Re: Social Impact of Porn

This is a response to Social Impact of Porn by A Young Woman on a Journey

Firstly, If you have not read this lady article, I strongly implore you to read it. It has inspired me to write an old entry from my journal on the topic on porn. This is a picture of me at 23 years old.

I remember the first time, I ever watched Porn. I was eighteen. My boyfriend at the time thought it would be a good way of getting me in the mood. So on comes the cheesy music, bad acting, and every man fantasy. She was beautiful, flawless dark skin and blessed with a figure that some women dream about.When I first saw her, I wondered why is she doing this. Didnt she have dreams as a kid? She could of been the next cover girl or runway model, is she smart? Was college not an option for her? Could she have been the next Mya Angelou, Hillary Clinton, Halle Berry,or Condolezza Rice, if given the chance and mentorship? And the man she is with, why was he so average looking? The guy was dorky. He wore black rim glasses and was out of shape. Giving the average guy a fantasy, that even he could have a woman like this.

Then he mounted her as if mounting a wild stallion. Pulling her nicely done hair, pushing her down toward his penis for oral. I felt sorry for her. Seeing the pain in her eyes, yet smile on her face as he gave her anal. I wanted to save her. I asked my boyfriend at the time " Do she looks like she is in pain to you??" He said "no, she is smiling, see...she likes it" I asked "How do you know she likes?" Getting annoyed he said " Chandra, she just does, woman like that like it" I asked "Women like what" He replied " Freaks!" Now, realizing that Porn is leading to another argument, he turns the movie off. And says " You take things way to seriously!! Porn is meant for enjoyment purposes, not for you trying to be Captain Save a Hoe!" From that moment on I decided never to watch porn ever agian. I wish it was true.

This is another entry. I was twenty-three at this time dating Ako.

Today, was another day like the day before. We went to the Lenox Mall. Normally I love going to the mall to shop and hang out with my friend, but not with him. With Ako, we sit in the same spot everytime, to watch the array of women walk past. He would then rate them. She is pretty but she could loose some weight.. She has a big nose, her nose is too small. She has no shape at all, she is fat. I would think to myself your fat ass should not judge anyone. Sometimes, I would just leave him to watch on his own, but I would get bored by myself and turn back. It was embarrassing watching my boyfriend, ooh and awwww at all these women. He tells me he just love watching beautiful women. It has nothing to do with me and to stop "internalizing everything".

I also believe he was an addiction to Porn. He watches porn religiously. Instead of spending money on child support payments, he spends it on porn. He watches porn, morning, noon, and night. I am beginning to hate Porn. Mostly, because it looks the same. Pussy and Dick does not change, and there are only so many ways you can have sex. After watching porn we would act out the scenes, and it usually end up hurting. Today we watched SuperHead. She gave male oral better than any female, I have ever seen. She seemed to enjoy it also. Of course after watching, Ako wanted me to give him oral. I said "No, im not in the mood for it" Like usual, he pouts and says Please, please, please. Then he pulles his ace out of the pocket "Maybe, we should end this right now. I see you dont care about me, dont want to satisfy my needs as a Man" He always says this. Using sex to keep me close to him. In truth, I hate sex. Sex has ceased to be enjoyable. It has become a tool he use to control me. To punish me. (Looking back now, I should of told him, oh well Bye and left him. But during this time, my self-esteem was so LOW, that I did not think I could ever find another man as good as Ako. He was doing me a favor by being with me. As fas as sex, if I am going to be honest, I still dont think I have a health attitude toward sex. Which is why with the next boyfriend, he could never please me by vagninal sex. Only with oral, I lied and told him, it was him. He was too small. He had no rhythm. Since I was his first, he believed me. It was always me. ) I did it.. I gave him ORAL, trying to mimic the moves of Superhead best as I could. Trying not to gag as he forced it down my throat. Trying not to cry, because I hated myself for not being strong enough to say NO, and I hated Superhead. Because she liked giving head and enjoyed it. And also because I knew at that moment, my man was fantasing about her not me. After he came, I went to the bathroom. I let the emotions pour out. I had to or I was going to pop. When I got back, he must of heard me crying. He said "Chandra, I am sorry. I just wanted oral so bad. You did not have to give it to me..I did not force you" What I said next shocked even me " It's Okay, Ako, I liked it" I realized then that I have became a porn star, or maybe even worst. At least they get paid, I have nothing. I am nothing.. (Wow, I was really sad back then.......I can not believe I thought this way!! )

A Young Woman on a Journey, I know that these post have nothing really to do with what you posted. Your post was based on facts and well thought out ideas. I just did a post on how porn has affected my life during the years. I know you probably think that, it was not porn that caused the bad things to happen. It was my low self worth. Which is very very true, but I only can respond to your post, based on my experiences. I believe you are right, these men get a false since of reality from watching porn. Porn allows men to have the woman of their fantasy. She is submissive, docile, and quiet. She does not nag him, require him to take out the trash, or argue with him. Her only goal in life, is eagerly waiting to please him. This is an escape from reality. In reality, most woman are not like this. They have brains, not submissive and also seek sexual satification. This causes them to develop a warp since of what a woman is. They want a woman like there mother, but they also want the fantasy woman. You are completely right in your hypothesis that the result of ther warp sense of what a woman is, leads them to apply unattainable standard to women, "this woman is too fat, that one too thin, she is too tall, she is un wifeable". And the funny thing about this, your right, most of these men are not attractive enough to be making such judgements about any woman. This was certainly the case with Ako.